


What Subaru Sees

by rhodrymavelyne



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 03:45:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4206732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodrymavelyne/pseuds/rhodrymavelyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seishirou contemplates his inability to 'love' someone, but he wonders, at the same time, if Subaru isn't equally incapable, because of his kindness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Subaru Sees

**Author's Note:**

> This is my own take on the nature of the shikigami. Hopefully, it doesn't offend anyone.

This woman’s misery might inspire a moment of pity in most people. Not in you. You didn’t just see her pain, you drank it in, so it became a part of you. It was as if you yourself suffered it. 

I’ve often wondered at your ability to feel everything, while I feel nothing. Did you get my share of compassion, as well as your own? Or did I take your coldness, the professional detachment that should have been yours, transforming myself into what many would call a sociopath? Is such a thing even possible?

Regardless of the cause, my detachment was useful. While you stood, stunned and helpless by another’s pain, I was able to act. I summoned the dark, predatory bird of my intentions. My shikigami materialized above my hand. I directed it towards the source of your pain.

You never could have hurt this woman, not matter how much she hurt you. I have no such scruples. She screamed, as the malevolent manifestation of her pain was shredded by my shikigami’s claws. It released you. 

You didn’t stop to wonder how you were released. Your first thought was of the woman, huddled in a shaken form on the ground. You went to her, smiled at her, and offered her your hand. She stared up at you in dazed shock, wondering if you were an angel. My shikigami retreated into a shadow, retreated back into me. Neither of you noticed.

It would have been so easy to kill you, while your back was turned. Not because you’re weak, or particularly helpless, but because you never notice me, or anything else lurking behind you, in the shadows. You’re too preoccupied with offering your hand to whatever suffering soul catches your eye. You never notice my hand, reaching out for your heart, for your exposed, vulnerable neck. You’re so busy offering yourself to anyone who’ll have you, you never notice that I’m right there, ready to claim you. 

It’s a good thing I feel nothing, or I’d be insulted. Perhaps even hurt. As it is, I’m amused, as well as a little introspective at your inattentiveness. Perhaps this is why I’m winning the bet. You’re not giving me your all, Subaru-kun. Perhaps that’s only fair. The bet was rigged from the start. I doubted if I could ever do my best to love you, even if I promised to. I doubt I have that capacity. However, I sometimes wonder if you do, either. You’re so focused on everyone, giving your love to everyone, could you ever belong to one person?

There is one way, though, I can claim you exclusively as mine, Subaru-kun. The end of the bet is drawing near. If I win, I will claim you. Not while your back is turned, though. I’m going to make sure I’m looking into your eyes, on that day. I’m going to make sure you see me. The real me.


End file.
